Sarah Maamari, Psychologist, Child and Adolescent Specialist at Sage Clinics explores how we as parents can understand emotional wellbeing, resilience, and regulation through a child development lens.
Parents are often quick to notice changes in their child’s behaviour – the meltdowns before school, the sudden irritability, the refusal to cooperate, or the emotional outbursts that seem to appear out of nowhere. But according to Sarah Maamari, behaviour is rarely just behaviour. More often, it is communication.
During one of our recent Coffee Mornings focused on children’s emotional wellbeing and resilience, Sarah explored the close relationship between physical health, emotional regulation, and a child’s ability to cope with everyday stress. Her message to parents was both reassuring and empowering: children do not need perfect parenting – they need consistent, emotionally available adults who can respond with curiosity, compassion, and steadiness.
At the heart of the discussion was the idea that everyday habits play a far bigger role in emotional health than many parents realise. Sleep, nutrition, movement, routine, and meaningful connection all influence a child’s ability to regulate emotions, concentrate, manage stress, and navigate challenges. When these foundations are disrupted, behaviour is often one of the first signs parents notice.
Rather than seeing difficult behaviour purely as defiance or disobedience, Sarah encouraged parents to pause and ask a different question: What might be happening underneath this reaction?
A child who appears “difficult” may actually be overtired, hungry, overstimulated, anxious, emotionally overwhelmed, or struggling with changes in their environment. Sometimes the issue is not unwillingness, but an undeveloped skill – particularly when it comes to emotional regulation.
Sarah also highlighted how emotional needs evolve throughout childhood and adolescence. In younger children, intense emotions are often linked to still-developing regulation skills. Tantrums, tears, and frustration are common because children are learning how to identify and manage feelings they do not yet fully understand.
As children move into the primary years, anxiety can present in more subtle ways. Avoidance, irritability, physical complaints such as stomach aches, or worries around school and friendships may all signal emotional distress beneath the surface.
During adolescence, emotional inconsistency and heightened sensitivity are also developmentally expected. Ongoing brain development, social pressures, identity formation, and a growing desire for independence can all contribute to emotional intensity during the teenage years.
Another major focus of the talk was resilience – not as toughness or emotional suppression, but as the ability to experience difficulty, recover from setbacks, and gradually develop confidence in one’s ability to cope. Importantly, resilience is not built by removing all stress or discomfort from a child’s life. Instead, it develops through manageable challenges, supportive relationships, and repeated experiences of being understood and guided through difficult moments.
Practical parenting strategies formed a key part of the discussion. One approach highlighted was emotion coaching: helping children identify and name their feelings, validating their emotional experience, and then guiding them towards problem-solving or regulation strategies.
Parents were also reminded that regulation comes before reasoning. When children are highly distressed, their ability to think clearly, process information, or respond rationally is significantly reduced. In those moments, calm connection and emotional support are often more effective than immediate correction or explanation.
The presentation also addressed neurodevelopmental differences, including challenges related to attention, sensory processing, flexibility, and emotional regulation. Maamari encouraged parents to shift away from asking, “Why is my child refusing?” and instead consider, “What might be making this difficult right now?”
Small adjustments can often make a meaningful difference. Predictable routines, clear and simple instructions, preparation for transitions, movement or sensory breaks, and realistic expectations can help children feel safer, calmer, and more capable.
Ultimately, the talk offered a compassionate reminder for parents navigating the realities of modern family life: behaviour is communication, emotional regulation is learned over time, and resilience grows through relationships.
Children, Sarah emphasised, do not need adults who get everything right. They need adults who are present enough to help them through the moments that feel hardest.
